A good therapist helps you process and ‘digest’ emotional conflicts that might feel overwhelming to face on your own. We’re actually called ‘shrinks’ because we make problems shrink to feel smaller and easier to manage, so they don’t take up so much mental space and energy in our lives. Finding your personal power and a sense of agency (the ability to do something about your problems) can help you regain self-confidence and has a ripple effect in our lives. The smallest change in a positive direction can be appreciated to help push your momentum towards bigger changes.

How is therapy different from journaling or self-affirmations?

Free-flow journaling, keeping a gratitude journal and saying daily positive affirmations may be a part of your process and some find them useful for self-reflection and as an outlet for strong emotions, but an unbiased outside view can be more objective and helps to avoid an ‘echo chamber’ of sorts, where you write or say something that confirms your own, often negative or unrealistic, thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and about the world. Therefore, making it sound more true - negative spirals or a vicious cycle of overthinking can be destructive to our self-esteem and cause anxiety. Some also have difficulties putting their thoughts into words and may need help finding ways to express themselves.

Bouncing these thoughts and ideas off someone with a keen sense of the details, who is tuning in to your complex emotional inner world and who is there to accompany you on this journey of self discovery, can provide a fresh perspective that you may have been missing. This can be a truly transformative experience.

Consider this - in our professional lives, we wouldn’t set up and start running a business or even a project without running the ideas by someone first to get insight, especially if that person is trained specifically in that area. So, why would we do this when creating our lives? A professional perspective gives valuable insight into how your most important project (yourself) can run smoothly, so to speak.

In therapy the space and time is set aside for you and used to learn from yourself and grow within yourself. Sometimes you are discovering and clarifying events to make better sense of them, sometimes you are creating who you are and even deciding who you want to be.

Fears are grappled with and become more easily understood. Emotional understanding of the self may be refined and clarified, which can bring a sense of calmness. There can be growing pains and tough days, but the clarity through the clouds is so worth the work and effort. Resilience is learned and healing happens with the right therapist for you.

A therapist may be exactly what you needed or what you were looking for, or they may be just good enough to help you through the hard times or to find some clarity. Sometimes the therapist you think will be perfect for you can end up being a disappointment and the one you weren’t so sure about becomes the one you grow with the most. The key is to find the right therapist for you. Look for someone you can feel comfortable talking to and eventually grow to trust them.

Studies have shown that it matters less what form or approach your therapist takes. What is more important is the relationship and trust between a therapist and client that makes for a good environment to explore and overcome difficulties in order to make real change.

If you are struggling to find a therapist and would like some guidance on how to get started, feel free to contact me for a free consultation and we can discuss different methods and styles of therapy to help give you some direction in your search. There is no obligation to choose me as your therapist and I would be pleased to help you find the counsellor that is right for you.

Managing anxiety in a healthy way

Uncertainties are everywhere in life. We might be uncertain about our careers, our relationships or if we are headed in the right direction. There are many things that happen to us that we simply do not expect and often cannot predict. Usually, these instances are personal, individual and one-off events. However, during crises it is widespread and we collectively experience anxiety, panic and psychological pain, to one degree or another.

Unpredictable negative events have a much deeper impact on us than we might realise, as it is the sudden change that we did not see coming that makes the incident so volatile and frightening, like a sudden slap in the face. Our physiology reacts to these unanticipated threats and our bodies produce hormones like adrenaline to help us survive this threat.

There are a variety of reactions we might have about the whole situation. Some of them may seem uncomfortable or inappropriate to share with friends or family. All of these are different ways that we may unconsciously, or unknowingly, protect ourselves from feeling afraid or anxious, but many of them are unhealthy strategies that only make matters worse and compound our anxiety. These are mostly based on Freud’s defense mechanisms, also called coping mechanisms. The good news is, there are healthy ways to cope that can truly relieve anxiety and help you keep calm during difficult times.

Possible reactions to a crisis:

Denial - You may think, “Those numbers can’t be correct. There’s no way that many people have been infected or died.” If you deny it, you don’t have to admit the effect it could have on you or someone you know.

Minimizing - “It’s only x amount - that’s really not very many.” You may not say this out loud, but you might be thinking it. Again, this thinking is protecting you from feeling anxious and keeping the crisis at a distance. If it is far away in your mind, you have more hope that it will not affect you.

Anxiety or Panic - You may feel your heart beating and your mind racing. You may be constantly watching or reading the news to assess the threat, all the while feeling increasingly anxious about the inconsistent information being given. Then, you may feel paralysed, hopeless and think, “I can’t do anything about it.”

Loss of control can be a very frightening thing. When we react in this way we can completely shut down. That is when depression, despair and even thoughts of suicide can creep into our minds. (If you are experiencing even the slightest thoughts of suicide, please, please call or contact your country’s suicide hotline.)

Ambivalence - “I don’t know those people, so it doesn’t affect me.” To some this might sound heartless, but in reality it is a very common reaction. It serves to create distance between you and the ‘others’ it is effecting. This could also be the result of being bombarded with messages of fear and feeling what’s known as ‘empathic fatigue’, which happens when we feel exhausted from constantly feeling empathy and thinking, “Oh, those poor people,” all the time. At some point it becomes too much and your empathy can just switch off from being overloaded.

Healthy Ways to Cope:

For some, this pandemic is a challenge to our resilience. How well can we bounce back from this? What will our lives be like after the threat passes?

For others, it might be a wake-up call to get their values and priorities straight, mend or strengthen relationships, reach out and connect to friends and family. Those, among others, are healthy ways to cope with crisis situations, such as what we are now faced with. Here are some ways you can alleviate stress, calm your anxiety and feel more in control of your life during a crisis.

Reflect. When our bodies are sick we are forced to slow down, rest, and take care of ourselves. As a global community fighting this virus, we could use this time to take pause and reflect on what is truly valuable in our lives, and take care of our inner-selves. This could be a time for deep emotional work, identifying what works for us in our lives and steering away from what doesn’t. Reevaluating our personal values and behaviors related to those values frequently, allows us to stay aligned with what is most dear to us, bringing us joy. If this sounds like a monumental task, start small. Identify the things that bring you happiness and make you feel content (and are also good for you), and do those things more often.

Stay busy. If you aren’t working at the moment, now is a good time to pick up those projects or hobbies you’ve been putting off, or even learn a new skill. It may feel as though our normal lives are put on pause, but they don’t have to be. Keeping a ‘working’ schedule gives us purpose, and purpose can give us hope and motivation. Besides, completing a project or learning something new fills us with a sense of pride and accomplishment, increasing our self-esteem. You might find that diving into something will also make you feel more energized. People prone to depression often report that keeping a consistent daily schedule decreases depressive symptoms and gives them a sense of purpose.

Connect with Friends and Family. Health professionals and governments around the world have recommended, and in many cases required, that we practice what they call ‘social distancing’. However, human beings are social creatures. We thrive on human connection and our psychological health is strengthened because of it. Whether you see yourself as an introvert or extrovert, we all seek quality relationships which help us in a variety of ways, but most importantly they improve our quality of life and our psychological health. Therefore, I would suggest that we practice ‘physical distancing’ while maintaining and strengthening our social connections.

Maximize your connectivity as much as possible by using video calls, instead of phone calls or text messages, to increase the feeling of connection. There’s something about seeing someone’s face on top of hearing their voice, that allows us to better see and understand one another’s emotions. Also, schedule in your social time several times a week or even daily to assure that you feel socially connected and can be there for others as well. Contact people who live alone often to check in on them and put a smile on their face, and on yours. When we are taking care of someone it boosts our own mood as well - it’s a real a win-win. However, if this person brings you down, you may need to limit the amount of time you talk with them.

Stay physically active. We’ve all heard this one, and with or without the coronavirus, it is always true. Exercise releases endorphins in the body. Those are the feel good hormones that decrease depressive symptoms, increase our mood and help us sleep. Now more than ever, it is important to dedicate time to exercise. Whether you are required to stay at home in quarantine or self-isolate as a responsible citizen, we are all moving less at this time - with no meetings or events to attend and no (in person) social get-togethers, our movement is limited. Even if you were not one to exercise before, now is the time to make sure you’re getting 30 minutes a day to get your blood flowing.

Eat healthy. Here’s another obvious suggestion, but more specifically be conscientious and selective of the foods you are bringing into the house so you have as many healthy options as possible while at home. What we eat has an incredible impact on our mood and energy levels. A well-known piece of advice is to ‘eat the rainbow’ by eating fresh fruits and vegetables in a variety of colors, as plant colors are an indication of different nutrients.

Reach out. If you are experiencing disturbing thoughts, anxiety or panic and want help to manage these, reach out to a professional in your area or online.

Overall, it is very common to have overwhelming reactions in times of crisis, or even to feel numb to it all. Know that these reactions are perfectly normal, but should be seen as a sign that you may be in need of some self-care to ensure your psychological well-being. If you or someone you love would like to speak to a professional about any of these issues, or others, please feel free to contact me.

Can I benefit from therapy?